In honor of the blog relaunch, the new year, the new decade, and all the rest of that good stuff, it feels like the right time to do this post I've had in my drafts for a while now.
Life is a process. I think we all know that. I also think it's easy to forget where we've been and how far we've come. I know for myself there are times where I feel like I haven't made any progress and like things are at a standstill. But then there are times that I look back and realize that I am not at all the girl I see in my past; she was someone else.
This is a message for that girl. I know that girl. She went through heck and endured it beautifully. She made incredibly gut wrenching decisions; but they were the right decisions. She survived. She survived which has allowed me to begin to thrive. I love that girl. I am thankful for that girl.
The person you are, sitting in front of this screen right now, reading every word I type, will at some point be a younger version of yourself. I think there can be power in recognizing that. Remembering, just like we made it out of hard times before, we can and will make it out again. And the versions of ourselves to come, will thank us for the hard work, the endurance, the patience, and the crap we went through, to help mold us into these incredible human beings we are continually becoming.
I was about to start in on typing a 'letter to my younger self', but then I remembered a song I began writing back in late October. If you follow me on Instagram, you know I've been trying to share more of these "therapeutic" 'voice memos'. This last year has been one of healing, and with that, music and songwriting has played a huge role. There have been countless times where I needed to cry or I was feeling something that just needed to be released. So I have sat at the piano many times and the first thing that comes out is usually a glimpse into what's going on underneath the surface.
These lyrics, this song, is just that. When I sat down to write this I had just had a strong, "triggering" moment. I reacting to that, and then instantly regretting it and began beating myself up for it. I was so frustrated at myself. I felt mad because I had made so much progress, but now I was having a moment that took me right back to where I began. I hesitate sharing these voice memos sometimes because they are raw, first-take, sit down at the piano and word vomit voice memos. But this one sums up anything I would have written just now in this message to myself. My younger self.
Give yourself a break. You're still healing, you're still learning. I know if feels like you're burning your second chance to the ground. It just takes time, don't loose your faith just keep on showing all your strength.
It's not ending, this is just the beginning. Give yourself a break. Give yourself a break girl.
People like me, people like you, we know that it's impossible to understand everything we're feeling unless you've walked this road. Give yourself a break. Let your heart stumble and fall. Take your time, be careful with your scars, they're still healing, they're still fresh from the war.
I know you're scared, I know you find it hard to trust yourself and leaves you feeling a little crazy. But darling don't you know, this is the road to healing. Give yourself a break. Baby girl, don't you understand everything you've walked through in this life it's not like it's been a joy ride, to say the least.
So please just give yourself. Give yourself a break sometimes. Push yourself, you're capable of more than you can know and you will show the world. Give yourself a break. It's gonna take some time. But it will be well worth the wait.