Happy St. Patricks day to you all. I'm gonna level with you though... I am just pretending like it's not St. Patricks day because I just can't right now. I thought about trying to make it into something fun in the midst of all this chaos, but everything has gotten just too crazy too fast. Plus, my boys honestly don't even know the difference because... quarantine...
I have had a few other blog posts I've been really excited to write and share, but I feel weird about posting them without at least, first, acknowledging the space this whole Coronavirus has taken up in my head. It's too much space. Also why I don't have the brain capacity right now to write about anything else. I can't stand it.
This current pandemic is affecting all of us. Everywhere. It definitely has a greater impact on some than it does on others, but still an impact. I have been one to typically stay away from the news and current events, for better or for worse. But this is something I can't seem to escape. I open up my phone or computer and find the word "Coronavirus" in just about every post I see. I find myself searching through the sea of my feed for some sort of hope, in any post or article shared, that somehow this will all magically go away. Spoiler alert. It's not.
I have been surprised at myself in how horribly I have been responding to this mentally and emotionally. I know that's a pretty bold statement to share on here, but I just want to be real here. I usually price myself on handling unexpected life situations with grace and strength... I wish I could say this circumstance has brought out those same characteristics...
I should just be grateful... and I am.... I have my boys with me, I couldn't live in a better spot for any kind of apocalyptic event, I have my parents, friends, food, toilet paper, and I don't live in one of the places that has been the most impacted by the virus.
I fully recognize I've got it good. I don't want to undermine that. I love sharing the hilarious memes that have surfaced, I've made my share of "corona" jokes to get a good laugh, but I also want to recognize that on the inside it's taking a hit. Because I know it's got to be doing the same thing for so many people and I don't want to overlook that either. So I guess this is for those of you who are feeling similar feelings as I am. I'm hoping that by writing this and acknowledging these underlying feelings, that I can be one step closer to accepting things as they are and then continue on with my best foot forward in faith.
Life is hard to navigate under normal circumstances, am I right?! I sometimes think of it as an unachievable balancing act. For me, and I'm sure many of you, one of the trickiest things to balance is time. Time goes by way too fast. How we spend our time, how much energy we are able to put into that time spent, how long we spend doing something, it all factors into our time as a whole which comprises each aspect of our lives. This quarantine feels like a chunk of time was just removed from existence. I get that's quite an over-dramatization, but for whatever reason, that's how it feels to me. And the scary part is, we don't know how long it's going to last. I've finally had to accept it's definitely not going to last any shorter than a couple of weeks... but I'm aware even that's extremely optimistic thinking.
My mind can't help itself but to think that whenever the virus finally does let up and gets under control and the quarantines, bans, closures, and social distancing is lifted, that we've still got to factor in another good chunk of time for things to attempt to play catch up and slowly start to normalize out. It's crazy to think about the number of things that are being affected. It's almost everything it seems like. Our economy, personal finances, lifestyle, social life, church life, school... it's a lot.
My already existing anxiety and depression has been heavily impacted. There's a lot to feel anxious about because there are so many unknowns. The thought of not being able to do certain things or get to see certain people and family members for who knows how long is depressing. It leaves me feeling trapped; a feeling that I have worked so hard not to feel; which would explain my frustration.
All this to say, it's okay to feel the frustration, the anxiety, the depression, and all the other feelings that come from something like this. It's healthy to acknowledge it - it doesn't take away from our strength. But let's not let ourselves stay there too long. There are things we can do and things we have control over even in this situation that is completely out of our control. Life still holds beauty. It still holds hope. God is aware of each of us and how we are each individually being affected by this pandemic that has plagued our world. Let's continue on, moving forward with faith, doing our best with what we've been given.